Mind Games In Relationships – All You Need To Know

Some of us love games –

puzzles, cards, sports that rely on physical prowess as well as strategy

and teamwork. We play for fun. We play for thrills. We play because we

enjoy competition. Games ignite creativity, encourage problem-solving,

inspire ideas and polish interpersonal skills.

Some of us especially love the games and challenges we set out for

ourselves – in which we strive to beat a personal best. Short of a true

“game of chance” – can we agree that every game is a mind game to some

degree?

Mind Games

What about mind games with the intent to damage? Mind games that take

manipulation too far? Or mind games that callously disregard the

consequences to others?

Are some of us more likely to maneuver ourselves into these situations?

Are we too trusting? Too naive? Are we repeating self-sabotaging

behaviors unconsciously, the result of childhood patterns? Are we simply

on the receiving end of someone highly skilled at reading our

vulnerabilities?

Are some of us perpetrators of the mind game because we find it “fun” to

stick it to another person?

On the subject of mind games, deception, and specifically, social

manipulation, Psychology Today addresses this topic. It’s a fascinating

article by FBI veteran and author Joe Navarro, who offers this:

Sometimes there are relationships… where we are repeatedly taken

advantage of and made to feel as if we are merely puppets – controlled

and manipulated… [T]hese toxic relationships… involve a very devious,

insufferable or calculating type of individual. There are individuals

who leave you bewildered in their unbridled disregard for the rights and

dignity of others. Individuals who are so brazen, indifferent, or

cruel, or who are simply financially or emotionally exploitive.

The article goes on to explore the Narcissist, the Predator, and the

Emotionally Unstable manipulator. These are adversaries you don’t want

to tangle with in games that will leave you hurt, depleted, and even

devastated.

Marital Mind Games… and More

We love our mind games when they don’t go too far. We love our master

manipulators when they appear on the big screen. But when you live the

mind games in a relationship, it’s a different story – and not a

pleasant one.

You may find yourself engaged with a needy personality; what feels

manageable in Year One may become intolerable by Year Three. Who wants

the constant guilt trip, pulling at the heart strings, exploiting your

sympathies and your insecurities?

When you live with a person who plays on your weaknesses (or creates

them), who takes your trust and twists it (abusing the nature of your

relationship), when you love a person who manipulates or you’re raised

by a parent who can’t seem to interact in any other way, how do you see

your way clear? How do you disengage from the toxicity?

When the player is a mother or father, the words and acts of

manipulation are intertwined with our earliest experience and the

cruelest inner voices. We may spend years working to disentangle what is

real from distortion.

Don’t Be a Victim

I’m not a psychologist or counselor of any sort. I do enjoy the

exploration of human nature and behavior. A little manipulation? We all

do it. Mind games? They can be useful. We like to win. We like to

achieve. We learn the power of persuasion and its rewards, and we exert

our influence without explicit intent to harm.

The challenge lies in not crossing the line, and recognizing when those

we let into our lives are doing it.

Unfortunately, it’s not so simple to separate the Good Guys from the Bad

Guys. There are no uniforms, no labels, no assumptions we can make

based on looks or family or education. There’s only time,

self-awareness, observation, and maybe a little luck. There is also

fighting the isolation that manipulative personalities may cause – which

is, of course, to their advantage.

Returning to Joe Navarro’s words in Psychology Today, we must wrestle

with tough questions when it comes to potentially toxic relationships:

The questions that need to be asked are very simple. No matter how hard

you try, “Are they using their charms or behavior to control you or

others for their own benefit? Are they manipulating you? Are they doing

things that hurt you or put you at risk?… If the answer to these

questions is yes, it is time to untangle yourself from the toxic strings

that control you so you can get your life back. Take heed – you have no

social obligation to be victimized – ever.

by Greenstarnetwork admin..